SF/fantasy books with swords on the cover. They make you break out.
Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Gullible, you're feeling oh so gullible. Send me all your money in the mail...
Girls from da hood 2. It will make you pregnant.
Manga if you're over the age of 15. You'll end up with distorted ideas and will be confused when you encounter women who wear skirts past the thigh and have hair that obeys the laws of gravity.
The Shopaholic, Ya-Ya, Hot Flash Club, and Elm Creek Quilter's Society books. You'll end up with distorted ideas and will be confused when you encounter women who are not supportive or unusually funny and who don't give a shit about your problems.
A year in Provence. Next thing you know, you'll be checking out books about the funny things cats do.
The Surrendered Wife. I'd have to come to your house and kill you.
Mysteries that have food or cats in the title. You will sprout hairs on your chin and people will begin to mistake you for a nun.
Buddhism. Asking for the books of Thich Nhat Hanh will make you an asshole. It's a paradox, I know.
Left Behind. Carrying any of those books will make you look like a drooling idiot.
Oh and? By the way? My boobs may have attended library school with me, but that doesn't mean they can point you the way to Biography. If they could do that I would be in a different profession.
OMG...this is the funniest Reader's Advisory list I've read in a long time...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the hint about Ya-Ya...I've got an old dog-eared copy that I picked up from an old neighbor a couple of years ago. I pulled it out a couple of days ago to see if I should give it a crack and see what all the fuss is/was....
ReplyDeleteI had a friend once who wanted/needed me to be her own therapist/mommy/significant other/best-girlfriend. (Reminder: I'm a straight married woman with a small child who needs me and a job (which requires some attention)). Finally, when I was out of options save for access to good prescription drugs, I let her in on a secret...(shhhhh...don't tell anyone)...I can't think of one person who wants to listen to me talk about my problems for more than 20 seconds. Eyes glaze over, then roll, subjects are abruptly changed.
Now Paula, how can you say such things about some of my favorite books! And I'm not gonna tell ya which ones either. :-)
ReplyDeleteRose
Rose, everybody knows you're the very embodiment of the The Surrendered Wife - it's ok you don't have to hide it!
ReplyDelete