Saturday, March 24, 2007

What not to read


SF/fantasy books with swords on the cover. They make you break out.

Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Gullible, you're feeling oh so gullible. Send me all your money in the mail...

Girls from da hood 2. It will make you pregnant.

Manga if you're over the age of 15. You'll end up with distorted ideas and will be confused when you encounter women who wear skirts past the thigh and have hair that obeys the laws of gravity.

The Shopaholic, Ya-Ya, Hot Flash Club, and Elm Creek Quilter's Society books. You'll end up with distorted ideas and will be confused when you encounter women who are not supportive or unusually funny and who don't give a shit about your problems.

A year in Provence. Next thing you know, you'll be checking out books about the funny things cats do.

The Surrendered Wife. I'd have to come to your house and kill you.

Mysteries that have food or cats in the title. You will sprout hairs on your chin and people will begin to mistake you for a nun.

Buddhism. Asking for the books of Thich Nhat Hanh will make you an asshole. It's a paradox, I know.

Left Behind. Carrying any of those books will make you look like a drooling idiot.

Oh and? By the way? My boobs may have attended library school with me, but that doesn't mean they can point you the way to Biography. If they could do that I would be in a different profession.