How did I miss this? The desperate, funny guy behind the blog Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About has a novel, called, uh, Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About. It was published in 2003, I'm such a dork for missing it.
Maybe I think Mil Millington and his "violent psychopath" of a German girlfriend, Margret, are so funny because Mr. Librarian and I hardly ever argue. Maybe it's because I have a feeling I'm a lot like Margret, who expresses her displeasure about her boyfriend's driving by kicking him in the head from the backseat; and I'm incredibly fucking lucky that Bob doesn't take me too seriously.
I hope Mil doesn't mind me excerpting just one little exchange:
Margret is sitting at this computer (which is in the attic room, incidentally) typing something. I'm flopped in a chair close by with a paper and pad, scribbling away at a bit of work.("schildkrote", by the way. We had a colleague with approximately this last name at the Museum, and I thought it was pretty funny that she was Dr. Turtle.)
I pause and say to her, 'Tortoise and turtle is the same word in German, isn't it?'
She stops typing, reaches over, pulls off one of my Birkenstock shoes, throws it down through trapdoor (I hear it thud below, then flip-flop down the stairs) and returns to her typing. All in a single, silent movement.
Your guess is as good as mine, frankly.