Monday, April 16, 2007

Ill wind

Someone shot up the place at Virginia Tech. It's serious - many were killed. Way many, which in itself is weird and makes you wonder about logistics.

I know VA Tech a little. My cousins went there - one even lived in Ambler Johnson, the freshman dorm where the first two children were killed. It's in Blacksburg, idyllic little town, but it's also a competitive tech school, like Cornell or Carnegie Mellon. When I was at CWRU I was always a little worried about what the school was doing to those poor mental Casies, who had to work all day and night just to not fall behind in class.

Maybe not the place to be when your girlfriend dumps you, or you just don't understand the next set of equations, or when you wake up and it's raining, when the wind shows you malice and caprice and talks to you like your favorite demon.

My children will never be safe. Hell, I know that. I'll never be safe either. Getting out of the third trimester was an achievement, getting past 7 months also. Getting them out of high school and into college, man you can see how a parent might want to think, "Ah, now he's safe." He's gone off to live with his social and intellectual peers. They drink on campus there instead of getting into cars. It's elitist, self-deluding thinking, but you can come up with a lot of insane, ugly shit sometimes just to gain a little peace.

If one of my packages of care, time, and intent, one of my two bales of thought, education and love, were destroyed by some kid who woke up one morning and heard the wind laughing at him like bullies in the cafeteria - it would cut me down. But there's nothing I can do about that.

What makes my heart vomit is the thought of being that kid's mom. He's been in pain for years and she never knew a way to help him out of it. How do we fail them?