Saturday, December 16, 2006

Make mine myech-nog

My friend Christina is going to her friend's "Drink Until You Love the Baby Jesus" party tonight.

In the category of holiday themed events, this may be the best I've ever heard of. If I hadn't gone to the "Drink Until You Don't Hate the Color of the Walls" party at Rocket to Venus Thursday night, I might be tempted to crash.

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose.
And every other weekend, he would wear his mother's clothes.*
My kids don't quite get Christmas. People keep asking me if they are bouncing off the walls, and I have to say, they are totally non-cranked. It's nice. I don't want to jinx it so I have resisted the impulse to examine why I seem to have merited a pass on the xmas mania.

Found out last night, though.

The neighbor kids brought over a singing Christmas card that they had received. This damn thing played Burl Ives (see above, and aren't you glad the fat bastard was apparently so filthy when he got in the bath that the water is now opaque) singing "It's a Holly Jolly Christmas" every time you opened it. Kids went apeshit. They played the card over and over, they sang the song at the top of their lungs. Seriously, it affected their behavior too, running and shrieking through the house.

I had thought it was the TV that makes kids so nuts at the holidays, all those commercials for Bionicles and Tickle Me things, but it's not - it appears to be the damn carols. Juliet reports that her kids, Big Friend and Big Friend's Little Sister, have INSISTED that Rudolph and Frosty and their ilk be on constant rotation for the last month. It's so bad for her that at our Monday night prayer group, she threatened the bar manager with bodily harm if he didn't turn off the Christmas music. (he's little and she works out, it wouldn't take much)

All of the other reindeer used to beat him up at school.
Cuz in the 1940's, cross-dressing wasn't cool.
Big Man was helping me wrap presents the other day, picking the ribbons and the bows and whatnot. I hate wrapping presents so it was nice to have the company. He asked if there were any kid presents in the towering stacks of boxes and I said sure there were.

"Can I watch you wrap the kid presents?"
"Well not really, because most of them are for you and your brother."
"Aww, man!"
"I beg your pardon???"
"I want those presents to be for my friends!"

So, ok, it looks like I may end up violating school protocol and making little prezzies for his friends. Ironic, right, the atheist getting in trouble for celebrating Christmas? But how can you not honor that kind of impulse?

Then one foggy christmas eve, Santa came to say,
"Rudolph with your dress so tight, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
At the YMCA the other day, Mr. Three spotted the Christmas tree and all the presents beneath it. Whispered to his dad: "I tink all dose presents are... for Santa!"

It's amazing to me. We do Christmas, and I think they've heard the process described several times - Santa, sleigh, presents, etc. They even met a Santa last year. When Santa asked the Big Man what he wanted for Christmas, Big Man said, "Whatever you bring me, that's what I would want!"

And when he saw the Big Wheels under the tree Christmas morning and one of us said, "Look what Santa brought!" his eyes went wide and he said, "Santa DOES that?"

Then all the reindeer drank gin and some single malt whiskey.
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you'll go down in history.
They still are putting things together in their own way.

*Lyrics to "Rudy" by Sick reproduced by permission of Big Friend's dad.