Galang galang

Big Man woke up covered in Silly Putty the other day.

No, it wasn't aliens, I know that's what you were thinking.

It also wasn't retribution for (pick an offense) by his darling no-decent-sense-of-vengeance even-though-we've-been-trying-to-teach-him brother.

It was just - oh, he loves the Silly Putty, and he took it to bed with him because he loves it.

Huh. Interesting.

Anyway, overnight, in a little miracle of childhood, his sweaty little sleeping body melted the Silly Putty right into his sheet and jammies. Yes, that shit does melt, and it absolutely becomes part of the fabric.

Sheet? Tossed. Piece of crap jersey sheet from Target.

Jammies? Well, they would have to be the pricey Hanna Anderssons that he hasn't even fully grown into and which would have been part of our family for the next 5 years because Mr. Three will get em next.

So here goes me, making like a Family Circle mom, trolling the Internet for handy stain-removal tips. Man, I hate hanging out on those sites. You know? They're for like people who get their scissors sharpened instead of buying a new pair at Staples or just having dull scissors and swearing at the wrapping paper every birthday. Or people who make their own Play-Doh.

The results of my research:

• Freezing the fabric? Does not a damn thing.
• Salt? Weird but also useless.
• Blotting with rubbing alcohol? Sounded too stupid to even try.

Me, I found the strongest solvent in the house, a little orange can called Gook Begone or Avast Ye Crud or something, and soaked the Silly Putty with it. Then I scraped it off with a table knife.

Then I washed the pajamas about seven times to get the paint thinner smell out of them.

This all took a while, so you can imagine my reaction when I found both boys up on the top bunk this morning with the Slime that they made at a (very excellent) birthday party yesterday.

They were bouncing around up there, having a good time NOT getting dressed, and when I went in to remind them that the underpants go on first, a blob of green Slime bounced out and hit the carpet.

"Do you have the SLIME up there?"
"Gimme that!"
"Are. You. KIDDING me?"
"Do you remember me spending an hour yesterday digging the Silly Putty out of your jammies?"
"DOO YOOU?"
[Mrfle]
"Well what the heck?"
"How about: 'No goopy stuff in bed.' That's right, New Rule: No goopy stuff in bed. You people complain about there are too many rules, well you could think to yourself 'Huh, taking goopy stuff into the bed sounds like it will be a real mess, I think I will leave it in the kitchen,' OR: you could remember another rule."
"Does anyone remember the new rule?"
[mumble mumble goopy stuff mumble bed]
"Thank you. Get your clothes on."

Note: No swearing. Also, no screaming. Yelling somewhat, but not roaring and shaking. Almost amused.