Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Advil Calendar 2011: 12/11/11: Sunday Bloody Sunday Edition


You woke up with a hangover because of that punch, didn't you, even though it was totally devoid of artificially flavors or fortified sugar syrups. Hm. You must have had kind of a lot of punch. Feeling a little sticky? This will help.

ON THE ELEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS:




That's right. Tim Riggins with his shirt off for almost an entire movie. Still hasn't washed his hair though I see. And here's a Martian cocktail to go with:
Angry Red Planet, from Atomic Cocktails

Coarse salt
1/4 t grated fresh ginger
1/2 t wasabi or prepared horseradish
1/2 t minced garlic
4 dashes soy sauce
1 T fresh lemon juice
fresh-cracked pepper to taste
2 oz. pepper vodka
3 oz. tomato juice
1 t fresh lime juice
1 lime wedge for garnish
Salt the rim of a highball glass and chill the glass.
Combine the ginger, wasabi, garlic, soy sauce, lemon juice, and pepper in a bowl and muddle into a paste. Stir in the vodka. Pour the mixture into a large mixing glass along with the tomato juice and lime juice.
Fill the chilled glass with ice and add the vodka mixture.
Garnish with the lime wedge.

And you know what will really help? If I send my houseboy over there to make it for you because Jesus Christ that's a lot of work. Atomic Cocktails is one of those books that came out ten years ago when people were all of a sudden like OH HAI COCKTAILS HOW RETREAUX. The books featured kitschy design and overbuilt drinks with overcute names. Also, they were written prior to The Great Hipster Rediscovery of Traditional Spirits, which I think dates to about 2004 (2001 in NYC), and so the drinks in them are destitute of flavorful, pungent items like Aperol and Cynar.

But listen: if you want a Bloody Mary, this will do just fine:

1 1/2 oz vodka
3 oz tomato juice
2 dashes Worcestershire sauce
juice of half a lemon
dash of salt
ground pepper
Shake it all up, strain into a wineglass. Garnish with lemon and a dusting of pepper if desired.

That is a perfectly proportioned Bloody Mary, by Bix Biederbeck, from his restaurant in San Francisco. He put out a book called Bixology, a petite, hand-sized item which looks like a pocket mixer's manual from the 1930's but which is in fact more like a midget Book of Lists, with quotes, little food recipes, Phascinating Phacts, glossaries and the like.

And unless you need to be reminded of Dorothy Parker's thoughts on cocktails ("Two and I'm under the table, three and I'm under" blah blah "the host" yeah we know Dottie you're such a SLUUUUT) (This has never occured to me before, but she was like the first female shock comic, the Sarah Silverman of her day) (Sarah Silverman, if you're reading this, don't let it go to your head. The reverse is not true)... um anyway, my point is that although the very few drink recipes in Bixology are indeed fine and often devastatingly simple, you can easily find them elsewhere. 



Rest up drinkers, because tomorrow's Monday and Gwyneth Paltrow is going to show us how to make a drink.