I'm trying hard to D.I.Y. but everything is broken down*

Windows open on my computer right now:

• Install and use saddle valves and tee valves
• Fixing an ice maker
• Blogger, because I have to take a break before I smash myself in the head with the Maglite

Tools stuck in my various pockets right now:

• Flathead screwdriver
• Vise grips
• Adjustable wrench
• Phillips head screwdriver
• Garden snips, because fuck the wiring

Things turned off in my house right now:

• The water
• The refrigerator

The tiny drip, drip, drip in the basement certainly seemed to be coming from the refrigerator's ice maker, which we've never used.

The saddle valve leading to the quarter-inch copper pipe leading to the refrigerator certainly seemed to be tuned to the off position.

Number of towels soaking up water on my kitchen floor right now: 4, plus two dishtowels

Coolers open in the basement catching the water raining down from the kitchen: 2

In my haste to turn off the main water to the house, did I break the turny-thingie? I did.

Does that saddle valve move AT ALL when I keep trying to turn it off? It does not. I must replace the saddle valve for an appliance that we do not use, because the old one is stuck open, and once a saddle valve has been placed on a pipe, there is a hole in that pipe, and you can't just take the valve away.

And all this has nothing to do with the agitator on the washing machine that comes loose every time it hits the spin cycle and sounds like we've trapped a legion of dwarves in a sealed drum in the basement every time I just try to WASH SOME FUCKING BATHMATS THAT EVERYONE PUKED ON SUNDAY NIGHT.

I am going to turn the iPod to Scraping Foetus off the Wheel and dance in the living room before I go over to Home Depot to buy a new saddle valve. Token Boy, if you're reading this, I might be late for work.

Actually I DO feel better.

*That's an actual Foetus lyric. I love Jim Thirlwell.