Monday, November 06, 2006

And also he said "fuckers"! (reprise)


And also he said "fuckers"!, originally uploaded by pwilnyc.

You know, it's totally wrong, but I love kids saying bad words.

1.
Mr. Three here went through a two-day phase of modifying every noun with the word "goddamn". We didn't laugh - you mustn't laugh - but it almost killed us.

"Hey dad, can we get some goddamn nuggets at goddamn Ol McDonalds?"

"I love the goddamn Tot Lot!"

"Mommy can we pease have goddamn bubbas in our goddamn baff?"

2.
When his older brother was about a year old he tried out "shit" the same way. Just kept practicing, under his breath. Driving to pick up my husband fromwork, I would hear these whispered curses from the back seat, as if he were trying to, I don't know, thread a needle and kept missing.

3.
I listen to audio books in the car. The current selection is Heat, Bill Buford's book about the restaurant Babbo. I hadn't expected the content to be a problem for the kids to overhear - it's about cooking, right? But I was wrong.

We're tooling along the highway, the kids are jabbering happily to each other. In the book, Joe Bastianich is commenting unfavorably on a restaurant in a village at the base of the Apennines.

All of a sudden the Big Man (almost 5) says, "Stop the tape!"

I stop the tape, and Big Man says, "That man on the radio just said 'Joe'!" (They have an Uncle Joe and aren't aware that it's a fairly common name.)

I say, "Well isn't that something!"

"Yes!" chirps Mr. Three, "And also he said 'fuckers'!"

Wuh-oh, red alert - don't laugh, figure out how to keep this from getting out of hand, we are on our way to my mom's.

"...FUCKersss..." Big Man repeats, really savoring the word. "That's a GOOD word!"

"No it's not," I hurriedly shoot back. "It's, uh, it's really not a word at all." Lie # 2847. When they learn to read they are gonna be pissed.

I pop the tape back in hoping to distract them and hoping Joe Bastianich watches his fucking language for ten more minutes. It's not that my mother will think I'm a bad mom, it's that my father will piss himself laughing when they roll out their new favorite word, and then I'll never be rid of it.

The narrator intones, "This book is continued on Cassette Two".

"Cassette Two..." both boys repeat, rolling the syllables around in their mouths... "Cassette Two!"