Saturday, October 11, 2008

By acclaim

And why not?
  • I wouldn't have to move far
  • I wouldn't spend my entire first term campaigning for the second, because I'm smart enough to know that this next one is a one-term presidency if ever there was one
  • I would take a page from Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's book and promote the American fashion industry while in office, because GOD knows I don't have the clothes for it, and I'll need Todd Oldham to step in and dress me up
  • I would apply basic parenting rules when making governance decisions: i.e. clean it up yourself, tell a grownup when you've fucked up, no hitting, etc.
  • Truly arbitrary decisions would be made via rock-paper-scissors. And the FIRST round would decide it - none of this best-two-out-of-three BS
  • Any combat would be modelled on Jedi fighting - slow motion, with sound effects, winner to be determined via style points
  • I would restore the country's reputation abroad, mainly by having bitchin' parties and inviting everyone
No, no, I'm kidding. Vote for Obama.