Thursday, October 19, 2006

"I'll stick with the Pin, Ken"

Here's something you probably never considered doing: you could hire the Charlie Daniels Band to play your wedding! Or, if you wanted to, you could get Colin Quinn, that guy on MTV's old game show Remote Control? to tell stupid jokes at your family reunion.

It would cost less for Colin Quinn, he's just one guy. Still, $15-20K, that's not nothing, for one wannabe blue-collar who would smoke in front of the kids (Yipes he was born in Park Slope, I knew there was something faux about the guy!). CDB would set you back $35-50K. I guess depending on whether you can provide your own demon fiddler. Didn't the devil win? Don't you think? The devil totally did a better solo.

I am reading thru this price list from Clear Channel. It's fun.

Who else could we get? Ooo, wow, the GoGo's want up to seventy-five K! Dag they better have aged VERY frickin well to command that much cash... Rollins, that whore, will do it for $10. Even Horatio Sanz asks for $15, jeez Henry.

Henry in his Black Flag days, with hair, and even a neck

God, JOURNEY is on this list. A hundred grand to get JOURNEY to play your Enchantment Under the Sea Dance, ew. Hell, you could get James Brown or Skynyrd for that price. What is Skynyrd nowadays? Aren't most of those guys dead?

Nice to see women comedians are getting paid. Margaret Cho and Sarah Silverman each want $30-35K to come sling mud at, um, whomever - that's more than Kevin Nealon but less than Lewis Black. Ah the comedy spectrum comes into focus.

Best bargain on this list? Most band for the buck (although you probably don't get all 15 members, including the two dancers, when they play your kid's Sweet Sixteen party): K.C. and the Sunshine Band, for thirty-five thousand. Guaranteed crowd-pleaser.

Sound your funky horn.