Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Your Neighborhood Librarian Is Done With Your Bullshit

Oh hey Seth I got a song for you too: "I saw your ass!
Sticking out the neck of your tux the other night."
So here it is, the Tuesday after the 2013 Academy Awards, and I am somehow not getting over my irritation with the sexist, anti-Semitic, selfish boys' room tone of that show. Oh, am I just a humorless bitch and I should get over it? Please see my previous posts on - oh just about anything - and decide for yourself if I have a sense of humor or not.

In fact, if anything, I am more pissed the more time goes by. That guy said of Salma Hayek, a fine actress with great comic timing who by the way could buy and sell Seth MacFarlane over breakfast with the hubs, "we have no idea what she's saying but we don't care because she's so attractive."

Oh my god. Fuck that guy. Not everybody, actually, is just here to give you wood. And you know, I find myself saying this - well, not a lot. But sometimes. So here you go.

Your Neighborhood Librarian Says Fuck That Guy

So next, my excellent husband has left the New York Times magazine open on the kitchen counter because he knows I'll be interested in a little article Pagan Kennedy wrote about the guy who invented the Pantone color system. Not to worry - Lawrence Herbert seems like he was a lovely, interesting fellow with a really interesting life, matching color swatches to blood samples, wine, goldfish, and runway fashion. But when his daughter was asked about the most unusual use of Pantone, she had this to share: "Calvin Klein kept a Pantone chip in the kitchen to signal to his chef what color he wanted his coffee to be."

Yes of course. If it's not exactly Pantone 462C, how could one even attempt to drink it? Fuck that guy.

Everything James Wood says is true. Fuck Paul Auster.

Do not even ask me
what that title means.
Whatever, drug boy.
We noticed a picture book about Lance Armstrong last night in the children's section, and I just had to laugh. You got to figure, if there is one person in the world who could be heaving a sigh of relief that Oscar Pistorius shot his girlfriend, it's Lance Armstrong.

I wouldn't put it past the guy either. The latest news from the Armstrong Legal Battalion is that they're going to say that there's no case for fraud, because it must have been obvious to the U.S. Government (specifically the US Postal Service, in my opinion not the sharpest privatized sloughed-off government nodule in the shed - did you hear they're going to stop delivering mail on Saturdays because it's too expensive? Dudes, you deliver mail, that's what you do. Maybe stop stocking miniature teddy bears in the post office and hiring elder gods in disguise to staff your service desks and you might save a little $$ and be able to deliver the damn mail!) that he and others on the team were using performance enhancing drugs, even though he absolutely insisted for ten years - and intimidated other people into likewise insisting - that he was not.

Right now Lance Armstrong is sitting at lunch with his lawyers and his publicist and anyone else who will still be seen in public with him, like shrugging and saying, "Hey man, at least Sheryl Crow is still above ground and kicking, am I right?? How bad can I be? Nooooot that bad!"

Oh yeah. Fuck that guy.

YA author Matt de la Peña. I just couldn't bear
using a picture of Arizona AG Tom Horne.
Have you seen that guy? He looks a cross
between a bulldog and a fish.
Tom Horne. Oh my god FUCK this guy. Tom Horne was the narrow-minded reactionary tool who cancelled Mexican-American studies in Arizona schools. He was the state school superintendent at the time, and some of the districts that he governed were more than 60% Latino.

Horne threatened to withdraw 10% of its budget, nearly $15 million, if the Tucson Unified School District didn't eliminate ethnic-studies classes. "It's just like the old South," he said, clearly confused about the nature of actual prejudice. Among the books removed from classrooms were Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire and Mexican WhiteBoy by Matt de la Peña. Pedagogy of the Oppressed is by a Brazilian Marxist and is a great discussion-starter, but I can see why a person might regard it with alarm. Mexican Whiteboy, on the other hand, is about a half-Mexican pitching prodigy who has trouble with his control. Ooo, scary.

Mr. Horne has recently been in the news again. On a drive in a borrowed car with a lady friend (with whom he was having an affair), he backed into another car and then drove off without leaving a note. As you do. (You don't!) So then he asks the court to dismiss the case, because if it was anyone else - say, someone who wasn't being tailed by the FBI - nobody would even have noticed! Tool.

But I know what you thought I was going to scathe this guy for - you heard about Tom Horne when he made a written proposal that school principals take up arms. Firearms. Guns.
The proposal is that any school that wishes to do so, may designate the Principal or another designee to receive training in the use of firearms and how to handle emergencies such as that which occurred in Newtown. The training would be provided by personnel of the Attorney General’s Office, and of the cooperating Sheriff’s Offices. The training would be free to the schools. The designated individual (no more than one per school) would then be authorized to keep a firearm locked in a secure place, and would have adequate communication to be alerted to an emergency in any part of the school.

Upon receiving the alert, our armed principal would then presumably armor up, ride out on his or her motorcycle - horse if one is available - and GUN DOWN the deranged, probably ludicrously heavily-armed, broken individual who has decided to end his life in the most heartbreakingly vicious bid for attention we are ever unfortunate enough to witness.

Because that'll work. I wonder if Mr. Horne has ever noticed that the law enforcement community's preferred way to "handle emergencies such as that which happened in Newtown" is to send an entire fucking SWAT team? NOT a liberal arts major armed with a handgun, a firm grasp of multiple learning modalities, and an authoritative demeanor.

Hey but the AG would provide the firearms training free of charge! Bargain!

Say it with me, parents. Fellow humans. FUCK. THAT. GUY.

Librarian out.