Wednesday, July 09, 2008

There's a new grill in town

There's a new girl in town and she's looking good.
There's a fresh freckled face in the neighborhoood.
There's a new girl in town, with a brand new style.
She was just passing through,
but if things work out she's gonna staaay... awhiiile.

That's the theme from Alice in case you're too young or at least fortunate enough not to have it burned into your memory. Jeez TV back then was terrible. That show ran for NINE YEARS.

So anyway, here we are back from two weeks of Southern-fried vacation. We've all got suntans and our pants don't fit. I think that was the goal, so we're good.

While we were gone, our cats apparently sat and strained and attempted to eject every hair on their bodies. The entire house was slimed with cathair. The first morning we were home we spent spitting hairs out of our mouths, so all the subsequent days have been filled with vacuuming and laundry.

Except for yesterday. Yesterday our new free grill came and I spent the evening putting it together. Took me the better part of five hours and cut me twice. That's it up there. It's a beauty, huh? That's an $800 grill, according to Amazon.

But did I mention free? Our credit card has some kind of points system, something that I always ignored because I figured it was some gimmick to get you to pay inflated shipping fees and stuff. But one day I took a look at our accrued points - I think I was hoping they'd offer like a $20 Target gift card for a hundred thousand points or something, and I'd only have to pay $6.95 shipping on it. I have a very low opinion of credit card companies.

Turned out, though, that we had enough points for this Weber grill, which they offered with free shipping and a cover included. What? Your credit card doesn't send you big crazy stainless steel gifts like this every 8 years or so? Hm. Maybe you don't pay finance charges like we do.

So tonight it's good-bye to soot-stained Bob spending an hour and a half peering at recalcitrant chicken legs through the smoke of our old kettle grill that, truthfully, we never really got the hang of, and hello to... you know, actually let's not describe that image. The tongs, the mitt, the apron... let's face it, our new grill is another great big tumble down the slippery slope that leads to a brand-new vinyl-sided house in a gated community with a giant TV in the family room and a golf course out the back window. We already have the minivan, and lately I've taken to wearing a skort.

Wow. I gotta go. I'm going to dial up Foetus on the iPod and make an appointment for a new tattoo. Maybe do some swearing.